how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I really regret not asking ālike a cupcakeā when you asked me to eat your ass
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