exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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