Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
