Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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