if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
