oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
