i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
