You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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