She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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