the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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