You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
