It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
