you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
