oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize