seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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