Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
