I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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