every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
