only if we run a train.
done.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
