the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Randomize
