Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize