Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
