Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
