I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
