And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
