she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
