Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize