dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
These tits shall not be calmed
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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