Please, let me fuck your mom
the condom got lost in my hair
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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