@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
