The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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