Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
