evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
