We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
