no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
