Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
