so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
