I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
