Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
