shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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