I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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