there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
