is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
