if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
