I wanna bring you to show and tell
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
