my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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