with your own penis?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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