Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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