And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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