i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
