guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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