waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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