I heard we made out
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We had to coat check the pizza.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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