I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
