Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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