Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have aggressive nipples.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
