Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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