I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
