So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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