no, he came in my armpit
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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