I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
