I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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