Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize