I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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