Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
